When a nanny steps into a new home for the first time, not only are they entering a new place of employment, but they’re also getting their first look at a family’s personal life, with all of its routines, rules, traditions and eccentricities.
And as many professional nannies can attest, there’s a lot you can tell about a family and how the household functions during that first meeting.
The clues are everywhere: from the level of cleanliness throughout the home to what’s hanging on the refrigerator door (not to mention what’s inside the fridge) and what’s playing on the television, each observation helps paint a picture of the family and what lies ahead.
Nannies seem to universally agree that a family’s kitchen reveals a great deal about a household’s inner workings and day-to-day operations.“One of the first things you learn when you work inside someone’s home is that every family has its own rhythm, systems and quirks. As a nanny, you’re entering into someone’s most personal space, so you start to notice the little things that make each household function,”Shannon Parola, a California-based childcare specialist and longtime professional nanny, told HuffPost.
Noticing these things is not about judgment. Rather, these details help nannies acclimate to a family’s habits and navigate the home respectfully. Wondering what additional details nannies might observe during their initial orientation? Read on for the inside scoop.
Kitchen organisation reveals a lot
Nannies seem to universally agree that a family’s kitchen reveals a great deal about a household’s inner workings and day-to-day operations, making this room, in particular, the source of numerous initial thoughts and insights.
“You can usually tell pretty quickly whether a family is an ‘everything has a place’ household or a ‘we are surviving the week’ household,” said Parola. The clues on this front include everything from the organisation of snack drawers and lunch containers to coffee stations, water bottles and kid cups, all of which reveal what Parola called “the true flow of the home.”
“I always notice this because the kitchen is often the command center for children’s routines,” added Parola.
They’ll pay attention to what’s on the fridge…
Chloe Savage, a part-time nanny from Tennessee, also notices a family’s kitchen area right away, calling it the household’s “centre of gravity.” Her favourite feature to take notice of is the front of the refrigerator.
“It feels like a little personality board for the family,” said Savage. “Kids’ artwork always stands out to me because it’s just so honest and unfiltered. You can tell when kids are really encouraged to be creative because the fridge turns into this full-on rotating gallery. When there’s nothing on it, it also stands out in a different way, almost like the home is more minimal or fast-paced. Neither is good or bad, it just tells you something about the rhythm of the household.”
… and what’s in the fridge
For some nannies, it’s what’s inside the fridge (not what’s on the front of it) that’s especially noteworthy upon first glance. This contingent includes Alie Moya, founder of New York-based Brooklyn Manny & Nanny, who spent more than a decade as a professional nanny and certified doula. During that time, she had plenty of first days in strangers’ homes, observing the contents of refrigerators.
“The funniest, in my opinion, is the ‘Ozempic fridge,’” said Moya. “So many parents are taking weight loss drugs now. Love that. Totally not judging. But you can spot it the second you open the fridge. A couple condiments, some sparkling water, maybe one sad yogurt. Meanwhile the nanny is in there starving.”
The parents aren’t neglecting their children, Moya stressed. There’s always plenty of kid-friendly snacks and raw fruits and veggies on hand. But in such situations, the nanny usually has to start packing a lunch or arrange a DoorDash stipend with the family.
Parola also took careful notice of the contents of the family fridge when acclimating to a new home, describing the food inside as “surprisingly revealing”
“You learn which kids are in a picky eating phase, which parent meal preps, who buys aspirational vegetables and which condiments have somehow become permanent residents,” Parola said. “I noticed this because feeding children is such a big part of caregiving, and the fridge often tells the real story of what actually gets eaten.”
Kitchens are often the “command center” for families — and your fridge (inside and out) is a huge part of that.Dishwasher rules can be ‘controversial’
A home’s dishwasher and the rules surrounding exactly how it’s filled with dishes is the source of many nanny ruminations. Moya refers to this subject as “the ever controversial dishwasher saga”.
“There are people that fully rinse off dishes before they load and people that load dishes covered in ketchup and a rogue noodle,” said Moya, who quickly learned that dishwasher rules in a home are nonnegotiable.
Florida-based Niihalani Teare, who spent a decade as both a nanny and household manager, said her initial observations of a family’s dishwasher rules are akin to “a personality test.”
“Every family has strong opinions about where things go and somehow nobody agrees with each other,” Teare, who now works as a domestic recruitment specialist for Household Staffing, said.
“The same goes for toilet paper. Some families are passionate about over, others swear by under and everyone thinks their way is the only correct way. Those little household quirks always made me smile because every family has these tiny debates and routines that become part of their identity.”
Household cleanliness is a factor, too
While it’s completely normal for a busy family’s home to get messy, some nannies say there’s a fine line. And homes that appear too messy at first glance send a clear signal about the type of work experience that may ensue.
“Yes, there are days and even weeks when the house is messier, that’s totally understandable, but the overall care families put into their house says a lot,” said Hailey Boylan, a Massachusetts-based nanny.
“I know I feel valued and respected when I do not have to come in after the weekend to a pile of dirty dishes in the sink, the toy room absolutely destroyed, or the dogs hair and muddy paws all over the furniture. I have been in positions where this was not the case, and I burned out quickly.”
Similarly, Lisa Stenach, an Alaska-based nanny, says the state of the house speaks volumes for her. Overly clean homes, said Stenach, may have strict structure or limits surrounding how things function on a daily basis. If a home is extremely messy, however, (think: food and crumbs everywhere or piles of dirty dishes), then Stenach worries that there’s likely no structure at all.
“My experience says that structure and routine don’t ever happen there, and I should expect to have an ever-changing schedule and duties, and I’ll be lucky to be told about birthday parties, swim lessons and appointments five minutes before they start,” said Stenach.
If, on the other hand, a home simply looks lived in, that’s ideal: “That means it’s balanced, the kids and health and happiness are priorities, and the family can go with the flow,” said Stenach.
They’ll notice if there are toys (and what kind) or if there are designated play areas
When Jamie Wolverton takes her first tour around a new home, the Washington state-based nanny notices the toys on hand and the areas where children are allowed to play.
“Depending on the age, especially between 9 months and 1 1/2 years, I look around for age appropriate toys. That tells me if they are invested in helping their child achieve milestones,” explained Wolverton.
“I also notice if the home is kid-friendly or if the play area is sanctioned to one specific area of the house,” Wolverton continued. “That tells me a lot about their flexibility, adjustability and whether they embrace the chaos of having children.”
The places where your kids are allowed to play, and the toys and tools on hand, can tell a nanny a good deal about your family.They’ll get a feel for the atmosphere and attitude – both IRL and the one you are trying to perform
Last but hardly least, the atmosphere throughout a home is a factor nannies take significant notice of. And to be clear, we’re not talking about whether a home is spotless or has nice decor. What nannies notice on this front is whether a home feels warm, welcoming and lived-in.
“Are there books on the couch? Favourite stuffed animals or toys scattered around? Is there the smell of coffee brewing or dinner cooking?” said Teare. “These everyday details often reveal far more about a family than a perfectly organised space ever could.”
Speaking of organisation and atmosphere, families often have their own vision for how they operate and the overall vibe they try to convey to nannies on the first day. But whether the family’s vision aligns with reality is another matter entirely.
“When a family tells me they are ‘super relaxed,’ I smile and I get ready,” said Moya. “After more than a decade of placements, I can tell you this is almost never a description. It’s a wish. It’s how they hope they come across.”
“Meanwhile, the relaxed family has a laminated schedule on the fridge and very real feelings about where the snacks go. I love them for it,” she continued. ”‘Relaxed’ is the vibe board. The house is the reality.”
