Gaining independence is a crucial part of growing up – but at what point are kids ready to go it alone and play outside without you watching their every move?
In contrast to those who won’t let their kids go anywhere alone, there are a number of parents who are taking a more laidback approach and parenting “like it’s the 90s”, giving their kids the freedom to play out unsupervised.
I can see the appeal. We lived in a quiet cul-de-sac growing up and I was allowed to play out with our neighbours’ kids – we knew we had to stay in the street, or in one another’s homes. As we got older, we were allowed to venture a bit further afield. It gave my parents a break, and it made me feel like I was capable and trusted.
Nowadays I live on a relatively quiet street on the outskirts of a major city. There’s not much traffic, we’re near a park, but I’m not sure at what point I’d feel comfortable letting my kids go it alone (admittedly they’re both way too young, but it’s something I’ll have to consider in the years to come!).
Gail Sayles, a Childline practitioner, suggests there isn’t really an age when kids are ready for that next level of independence. Instead, it depends on the child and the situation.
“What matters most is whether your child feels ready, and whether you feel confident letting them take that step. If either of you isn’t quite there yet, that’s a sign they may need a bit more time,” she tells HuffPost UK.
What are the signs they’re ready?
Obviously, babies, toddlers and very young children should never be left alone because they can’t keep themselves safe.
The law doesn’t specify an age when parents can leave a child on their own, but it’s an offence to leave a child alone if it places them at risk.
Sayles notes parents are in the “best position” to judge whether their child is ready to head outdoors on their own, “because you know how they usually behave when you’re not with them”.
It can help to ask yourself a few practical questions to help make this decision:
- Can they remember important information like their name and address?
- Do they stick to agreed timings?
- Do they behave responsibly when you’re not with them?
- Would they know what to do if plans changed unexpectedly?
The expert advises parents to talk through different scenarios with their child – for example, what they’d do if they hurt themselves or felt uncomfortable. “These conversations can be reassuring for both of you and help build confidence,” she says.
And if you’re unsure whether they’re ready for this next step, you can always start small. Let them play in a nearby area, go out for a short period of time, or spend time with certain friends you trust – this can be a good way to see how they manage, adds Sayles, while still keeping things safe.
What to tell your child before they venture out alone
If you’ve decided your child is ready to go it alone, there are a few important things to address first.
They should be able to share their full name and address and have access to phone numbers for at least two trusted adults.
They should also know what to do in an emergency, including where they could go for help – for example, a shop, library or approaching a police officer or shop staff.
It’s also crucial they feel confident crossing roads safely and know that they should never go anywhere with anyone, even someone they know, without checking with a parent or carer first.
My child’s not ready. What do I tell them?
If you don’t feel your child is ready to venture out alone, Action For Children suggests explaining which skills you’d want them to have first, and then making a plan together to help them learn those skills – that way, they won’t feel like you’re simply shutting them down.
