I feel selfish (rant)

Hi all,

My parents are hoarders. I realized they aren’t that extreme, but I’d give them a 7 out of 10. There is always so much clutter in every room. They don’t want to throw anything out. Once a year, we clean out the main floor and host family friends.

I come from a family and culture where you usually live with your parents until marriage. Now, I do prefer this arrangement because 1) I deeply care for my parents, I’m their only child and 2) in this economy, it’s not easy to move out either. However, it was extremely hard growing up in this environment. I never had friends over. My legs would have so many bruises from tripping over something and getting hurt. I had to be careful taking selfies in case the clutter showed up in the back LOL.

Growing up, I also had a very messy room. And this isn’t an excuse, but I didn’t want to clean it because the rest of the house just upset me so much. I thought there was no point. I used to be so worried that I will also grow up and be a hoarder, but at the same time I promised myself not to be like this. But other than my own messy habits, my parents say I was a very good daughter and took great care of them.

My parents purchased a second property and gave it to me. I later got married and now live in it with my husband. I’m extremely grateful to my parents for this.

My husband and I have kept the house clean. Our house is “lived in”, but you can never call it messy. We may not make our bed every day, and after a long day we’ll put our clothes on a chair instead of back in the closet. But nothing that can’t be tidied up within 5 minutes. I am SO glad I unlearned all the messy and hoarding habits I picked up from my parents.

My Mother got diagnosed with cancer in December. This turned my world upside down. So I try to stay over at my parent’s house every few days. They don’t want to stay at my house because all their medication and health stuff is in their house and they’re more comfortable in their own house.

But going to my parents house… God. I just.. I try my best not to get annoyed but I truly feel so upset at all their things there. They don’t want to get rid of anything. They don’t want to listen. I just want to be around and take care of my Mother but it’s hard to be positive when I cook in her kitchen and a bunch of pots and pans fall out of the cupboard. There is only so much I can do. 2 years of living in bliss in my own house and I’ve spoiled myself by keeping it tidy (and decorating it? Following a theme?? White and gold with hints of blush pink. Can’t believe I actually DECORATE it) and I come here and just feel like a teenager again.

I’m really annoyed right now because I just tripped over something and got hurt. I angrily went into my childhood room with my tea and just typed all this and wanted to rant. Also, my old bed should be thrown out, the left side is literally dented and super uncomfortable. But here I am lying in it. It’s now a guest room for family.

Thanks for listening everybody.