Nearly a quarter (23%) of Britons who’ve been in relationships say they’ve cheated on a partner at one point or another, according to a recent YouGov poll.
Of those, 17% said they cheated physically, while 18% revealed that their infidelity was emotional – and 12% said they’d done both.
Which begs the question: what actually counts as cheating?
After all, the same survey showed that not all Brits agree about whether mental or sexual cheating is “worse”. In fact, respondents couldn’t even get on the same page about what counted as cheating in the first place.
Here’s what they thought about topics like OnlyFans, AI chatbots, and dating apps.
What did respondents think was the “worst” kind of cheating?
To anyone who’s ever said, “but they didn’t mean anything to me!”, 40% of Brits said physical cheating without an emotional connection is worse than mental infidelity without sexual activity.
Only 25% thought emotional cheating with no “action” was more hurtful.
Men, in particular, tended to think physical infidelity was worse (46% vs 20%), while women were less distinctly split (35% and 29%).
What counts as cheating, then?
Well, there’s the official answer, and there’s what the public seems to think.
Speaking to HuffPost UK previously, matchmaker Susan Trombetti told us that the definition changes according to the rules of each relationship. “Cheating is cheating as established by the boundaries you both have stated,” she said.
“Anytime lying and secrets are involved, that’s a good indicator there is cheating.”
A vast majority (76%) of respondents to the YouGov poll said there’s never any excuse for cheating.
As for what “counts” to them, here’s what the general consensus was:
- Sending nudes: 82% said this was cheating, while 12% stated it was serious, but not quite infidelity.
- Using dating apps: 80% believe it’s cheating, and 12% said it was slightly less serious than that, but still harmful.
- Kissing someone else: Interestingly, fewer people (73%) saw this as outright cheating. 16% reckoned it wasn’t cheating, but was hurtful.
- Secretly messaging or meeting up with an ex: 69% class that as infidelity, while 22% think it’s neither harmless nor proper cheating.
- Forming a deep emotional attachment to someone else: 52% consider that to be cheating, compared to 32% who don’t quite think it’s that bad.
- Developing romantic feelings for someone else, but not acting on them: Only 40% say that’s cheating, while 44% shared that it’s not good, but not cheating.
- Having a crush on someone who’s not your partner: A mere 15% responded by saying this is cheating, compared to 41% who see it as a grey area.
- Talking to models on OnlyFans: 47% said it’s an outright violation of the relationship to “directly engage with sexual content creators”, and 33% have an issue with it, even though they don’t quite think it’s cheating.
- Sexting with AI chatbots: 30% feel this is definitely cheating, and 41% think it’s harmful yet not outright cheating.
- Flirting: Very few Brits (17%) think there’s such as thing as “harmless flirting”. A quarter (26%) class it as cheating, but 50% said it’s crossing a line.
- Fantasising about sex with other people: 16% said this is cheating compared to 44% who think it stings, but doesn’t quite qualify as infidelity.
Is sexting AI chatbots cheating even though no other ‘person’ is involved?
Dr Marisa T. Cohen, a marriage and family therapist and dating expert at Hily, formerly shared with us that “cheating” doesn’t have to involve another human.
She said that even sharing personal details with AI that you’re keeping from your partner can sometimes count as “emotional infidelity”.
The therapist added: “What one partner views as engaging with AI in a completely acceptable way, another may view as cheating. This is something that must be discussed, so that both partners are aware of how the other feels.”
It’s not irrational to feel hurt by your partner’s intimacy with an AI chatbot if it violates the boundaries of your relationship, she continued. This “erodes the bond you have with your partner” and can create “distance”.
If you feel betrayed by their actions, repair is possible though. “It is important that both partners want to work on their relationship and that the emotional affair is acknowledged and ended,” the expert ended.
However, “this becomes more complicated in [the case of AI flirting], as the partners may have different beliefs as to whether cheating has occurred”.
