Maybe you’ve just got a promotion you’ve been angling for for years, or bought the home of your dreams. Perhaps your relationship is going better than you ever thought it could, and you’re getting recognised by people you’ve always looked up to.
But for some reason, it doesn’t make you happy – not in a lasting way, anyway.
This, Dr Tal Ben-Shahar told The New York Times, is the “arrival fallacy”.
Here’s what Elizabeth Walker, a cognitive behavioural coach and founder of The Empowerment Warrior, thinks of “arrival fallacy,” and how to deal with it.
What is “arrival fallacy” exactly?
“High achievers experiencing arrival fallacy may spend years working towards a goal, only to feel disappointed when success does not deliver the sense of contentment they expected,” Walker said.
It refers to a mismatch between how happy you think reaching a goal will make you feel and how it actually affects your day-to-day.
“A recent Headway survey found that whilst 77% of high achievers consider themselves successful, 81% still feel behind in at least one area of life. It suggests that even when people are reaching their milestones for success, many still struggle to feel genuinely fulfilled,” Walker added.
The brief rush of happiness that floods your mind when you finally hit that milestone might be brief and short-lived, followed quickly by thoughts of all the areas in which you feel you’re still stuck.
What causes arrival fallacy?
Our brains are trained to work towards future rewards, the coach shared.
This “triggers anticipation and motivation, releasing dopamine as people make progress. However, once the goal is achieved, that sense of excitement often fades more quickly than expected”.
Another reason arrival fallacy can kick in is that you’ve put a lot of expectations on reaching a single target.
“The achievement can become so important that [people] start believing it will solve multiple problems at once,” Walker stated.
“When reality doesn’t quite match those expectations, it can leave people feeling disappointed or wondering why they don’t feel as fulfilled as they imagined”.
Instead of focusing on their achievements, people facing arrival fallacy might immediately start asking themselves what’s next, perhaps falsely believing happiness is behind the next big success.
It’s especially common among high achievers and ambitious professionals, though arrival fallacy can happen to anyone, Walker continued.
“Ambition itself is not the problem. Setting goals can be motivating, but lasting happiness often comes from enjoying the journey, not just reaching the destination.”
What should you do if you think you’re experiencing the arrival fallacy?
One way to handle the issue is to “focus less on the achievement itself and more on the lifestyle it is meant to create,” Walker said.
“Many people spend years working towards a goal without considering what happens afterwards, which can leave them feeling directionless once they finally reach it.”
But we might do better if we ask what we want our future life to feel like instead of focusing on what we can do next, she continued.
Additionally, try building achievements into the process of reaching your goals, rather than restricting them to a more narrow version of success.
“Goals can provide motivation and direction, but they become more sustainable when they are built around the process rather than only the outcome. This might mean setting a goal around showing up consistently each day, creating better boundaries, or celebrating small wins,” she suggested.
Becoming part of a community might help, too. “Arrival fallacy often thrives in silence because many people assume they are the only ones who feel flat after achieving something they once wanted,” Walker said.
Meet-ups can be useful, as can talking openly about your experience.
If none of this seems helpful, speak to a professional: this “can help you understand why certain goals carry so much emotional weight and learn how to move towards them in a way that feels more grounded”.
